Perspective on me

I am being unprofessional, no leadership outlook, no leadership skill, In-matured, playful, not serious, emotional, procrastinate, hurting others, and lack of meeting.. 

This would be some of the cons feed back that i get from my teams.

I accept some, but i need to deny as well. Not every situation that required such skill to be shown.

But i appreciate the comments that i have based on this performance appraiser. 

Sometimes, what you think are different with others. Different people have different perception. 

Without telling, others might cant read your mind. Thus, come to sharing. I care, but i dunno how to share my cares. I dunno how to express my cares towards others. 

I am doing at my own way, i am thinking on my own side, but without putting myself into others shoe.

In reverse, sometimes i am too putting myself into others shoes and make my ourselves getting burden and stress myself. I still remember, for the previous term performance appraiser, 8 people out of 10 will comment me as a stressful person and result oriented people. 

Nevertheless, this time i get none of it. Am i consider improving myself, or i am just still continue stressing myself without delegating task to my members, so they cant found out my stress.

Everyone have their own way of conducting, and leading. I am commending of my leader that don't have strong leadership style, but i am doing the same things as my leader do. Mirror is the main thing that every one needs. Reflection is the things that everyone need to learns on. Pin pointing is not a good comment, as it will only hurting others, but not helping others. 

I really do appreciate for all those constructive comments, which it really will help me in thinking more deeply and improve more on myself. Of course, super appreciate for those good comments as in confident in myself, admired English [ although I not sure which part of my English will make you admired on, LOL by the way thanks, and sometimes, i might like my English speaking slang too.. =) ]

and others.. I am sorry for I am more concentrate more on my bad comments part. As i like that part more that good comments part. Although all the comments might be the bad one, but luckily it is not the worse one. I would work more on it to train up myself to be a professional and be a strong leading lady in the future.. I can make it right.. Do you believe on me? hehe..

Lets wait for that day to arrive. I am waiting for that as well.. All the best to all and lets strive for the better future us.. !!!

哭，并不代表什么

其 實沒有人知道，為什麼有些女孩子那麼愛哭，或者你還鄙視過，罵過那些女孩子，你會說她…都這麼大的人了，還那麼愛哭，真是沒用，其實…你又知道嗎？無論那 個女孩多大？她們愛哭，都不能怪她的，反而要安慰她，好好對她，愛哭的女孩才是最單純孩子氣的女孩，她們之所以愛哭是因為心裡有太多的委屈，太多的苦，說 不出來，也是因為不知道怎麼說，更是因為找不到傾訴的物件，也不想別人為她擔心什麼，所以，她會偷偷的躲起來哭，她們不希望別人看到她哭，而哭過後呢？.

她 會對自己說：切！這有什麼了不起的！笑一笑！沒什麼事情過不了！她始終相信著這個說法！於是！她又會用另一張笑臉來面對身邊的人！可誰會知道她的內心是多 麼的痛苦！多麼的難受阿！可是她卻依然選擇一個人默默的承受著一切！她們不會拿著自己的不開心和煩惱到處跟別人說！因為她們希望別人認為她們永遠都是快樂 的！而不再會為她們擔心！她們也會因為一點點的小事就會發脾氣！她們的脾氣通常都是不好的！而對別人發了脾氣後！又覺得那個人好可憐！又覺得好後悔！可是 卻放不下麵子去道歉！於是！她會去泥補的！直到自己覺得夠了！而在自己愛的人面前時卻是乖乖的！偶爾喜歡撒嬌！因為她們其實大多數心靈都是受過傷的！
因 此！她們希望有人疼她！愛她！對她好！而她們的心呢！會甜甜的！嘻嘻~~~不過…她會慢慢依賴上你的…以至於你一天不在她身邊她都感到失落以至於你不她身 邊她甚至會糊塗的丟三落四的……還有噢…她們喜歡做個小屁孩，不喜歡那麼成熟…整天開開心心的…不讓別看出她內心的傷…你可不要去嵌起她的傷疤啊，因為你 一旦嵌起了那麼可就麻煩了，那時候你想要她再笑起來那可登天還難，其實有時候看她大大咧咧的，可是她的心比誰都細，特別是對自己愛的人，如果你有幸成為她 愛的人，那麼請你好好珍惜她，不要再讓她受傷，因為她真的傷不起，如果她再一次受傷的話…那麼她可能連活下去的勇氣都沒有了…更加不會再相信別人了！如果 你不能給她一輩子的承諾！不能給她一輩子的守護！不能保證你會愛她一輩子！那麼…請你…把我愛你這三個字給我吞回肚子裡去…不要把我愛你這三個字污染了… 說愛！你不配！哭！並不代表她沒用！並不代表她是孬種！只是她的心很脆弱！曾經被傷的很重很深！再經不起風吹雨打！只想有個屬於自己的避風的港灣！停下來 可以讓自己歇歇！

妈妈，我需要你。

如果可以，我好想好好的哭一场。
好像被拥抱， 好像被呵护。


以前，被妈妈抱在怀里永远是最幸福的事。
渐渐的长大了，被妈妈拥抱的机会也少了。
妈妈，有妈妈要忙不完的工，
我，也有我那忙不完的功课。


每当失落时，妈妈永远会是第一个出现在脑海里的，
但越长越大，需要妈妈的拥抱就再也说不出口了。
只会转移到在朋友与男朋友的身上去寻找关怀。
但心里最想的还会是妈妈。


妈妈， 虽然你是老了， 脾气也变了，
但你还是我妈妈， 我还是需要你的。
只是再也说不出口了。

怎么了？

怎么事事都不顺呀？？
到底发生了什么事？？
我又招谁惹谁了呢？？
为什么要来报复我？？
什么时候才平息呀？？
我需要时间冷静吧！！

有些伤口， 时间久了就会慢慢复原的。
有些委屈，受过了想通了就会释然的。 
有些伤痛，忍过了疼过了就会习惯的。


然而这一些些却会在孤独与空虚的瞬间，重新涌上心头。


其实，有些藏在心底的话，并不是故意想隐瞒，
只是，并不是所有的疼痛，都可以呐喊。 

Searching for Stars.

I had a great night with a big bang of friends supporting Marcus and Shen Chieh on their singing competition. 
A simple move may make a big changes. This is the successful mini concert for you guys. You guys have done a great job. Of course, we too done a great job in cheers for you guys..

The happiness mood is hardly to written down in words. But i do know that, I am really happy with this. Although the result may not look perfect, but in our heart, you guys are great. Fairness will be there for you guys in the future. All the best to you Marcus and ShenChieh...

好的事情

好的事情 最後雖然結束
感動十分 就有十分滿足
謝謝你 是你陪我走過那些路
痛 是以後無法再給你幸福


好的事情 也許能夠重複
感動時分 就算紛紛模糊
不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福。。

錯的人

悄悄的你来到了我的生活了， 慢慢的你影响了我。
渐渐的你打扰了我，再狠狠的你离开了我。
我真的受伤了。

明知道愛情並不牢靠 但是我還是拼命往裡跳
明知道再走可能是監牢 但是我還是相信只是煎熬
朋友都勸我不要不要 不要拿自己的幸福開玩笑
但是做人已經那麼累 假惺惺的想要逃
在愛裡連真心都不能給 這才真正的可笑
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪
太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人
明知道這不是緣分 但是我還奮不顧身
可能 在愛裡面這樣算笨
可能 永遠沒有所謂永恆
但是我 不願放棄這裡面一點點可能 寧願笨也不想要悔恨
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪 太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分 但我還是奮不顧身
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分 但我相信有點可能

我。。。

我的心是揪着的，
很伤，但却无法释放。
有股冲动很想把那几个字说出口，
但说了，结果又会是什么。

太多的自以为，让我忽略了你的感受。
太天真的想要两全其美，却注定只剩伤害。
我好想回到从前，回到最单纯的那时候。

但我忘了，我其实还是我。

Happy Birthday ny dear Rain...2

This is all for you RAIN
Happy Birthday...
Will always love you saranghey...

Happy Birthday ny dear Rain...

心。。。痛

无缘无故的，又冷战了，

这让我再次的反省了一回。

我， 是否做了对的选择呢？
还是开始出差错了？

有时候觉得，我真的没办法好好的沟通。

我是个鸡杂的女生， 我可以高谈阔论，
我可以无话不谈， 但面对你我哑口无言。

我们相似的地方很多， 不相似的其实也是很多。
我们了解彼此有多少， 其实我并不知道。

一段感情的经营应该是像现在这样吗？
别人都说， 有架吵， 感情才会加温。
或许是吧， 但我并不觉得每次都有效。
甚至还会惹来反效果。

忍让， 容忍， 宽恕，
其实是每个人对待另一个人该有的态度。
问题是每一次的包容， 谅解都能有效的连根拔起吗？
有哪个人可以做的到呢？

曾经听闻一则故事，
有个小孩，每当有人惹毛他时，
他都会固定的把一根钉子钉在木板上，
每天钉阿钉的， 有一天钉满了。
父亲就劝他把钉子都拿下， 好让所有的仇恨都毁灭。
当他觉悟把所有的钉子都脱下时，
却发现木板上，以缠留了每根钉子所有的痕迹。


就算真的谅解，连根都拔起了， 痕迹永远都会存在着。。。

Opportunities

Exchange !!! Go Exchange. !!!
That's the opportunities for me.. I am glad that AIESEC provide me this opportunities to go out from my home country and explore to other country. The best thing was I can pick on my favorites country with hit issues..such as environmental issue, cultural understanding and ect.

While, during the last 2 month, I am so desperate of sending lots of mail to lots of different LC from my chosen country. I am so worried with this because no one reply me.. I keep on spam mail to them.. and Finally, New Zealand reply me with Business background forms.. It was very interesting.. Due to I am taking this background studies. It would be a good opportunities for me to learns more about this. So, i am heading to the interview, going through 1 by 1.. until the final interview...

Suddenly, i receive mail from Taiwan and Korea asking me for 1st interview.. Wow.. Excited. That was my 1st and 3rd choice.. I am so lucky.. haha.. Taiwan asking me to telling fairly tales story to kids... SO lovely.. While Korea.. 1st choice.. My prince is there. haha

By the way, after asking opinion from so many friends.. I decide to choose NZ.. by sending EP AN to NZ. Just waiting for their TN AN only.. I told my parents this.. Unfortunately, they ignore me.. and turn down all my dreams.. Throw a lots of question for me, throw a lots of worries for me.. Quarrel because of just I am the only one to go.

I wish to develop myself, but they stop me then. Because I am a girl, I cannot do this do that. Because I am a girl, I cannot go here, go there by my own. Because of i am a girl, they though that i am just kidding with them. Because I am the only Girl, I cannot make them worried. Because I am the only girl, I must follow what they said....
It would be so nice if i were a boy.. I can do what ever things i wish too.. No much worries. 


At last, I reject form form NZ. I know i will regret forever in my life time, but no choices, I need to do so. No matter how, parents worried because I am their only daughter. I will never went to other country alone. I will never know this kind of feeling. I really wish that I AM A BOY!!!!

Interview -.- ?

Just finish up an interview for manager position.
Am i doing good?? I just can answer I'm not. I am blank, I am stunk, I am nervous without looking nervous.
I know the answer for the question, but i still answer it wrongly, why???
I can talk more, but why don't I do so?
The rank for AIESEC, why 8? I know why, but WHY i cant voice out???
What is TM, I know it its not an emcee work, but WHY, why i still say so???
I know my strength and weaknesses well but why I can't speak well??

Why AIESEC??? It make me feel warm when being with the members. When there is something bad had happen, AIESECer will just be right by your side and comfort you. While they is a joy, they will also be there to share your delightful. The never give up strength from AIESECer will bring you to stay together with them and fight together till the end. I am glad to have you all as my friends. No matter what is the results, I am glad that you all are still with me. I have take a "bit" step out, its enough for me right now. I need to bare on what i did. ALL THE BEST !!!

EPRB

"EPRB" actually is an interview for exchange participant.
At 1st, i am the helper for this event. But, due to some situation and advices, I be one of the candidates for today's EPRB.

I'm nervous, I dint prepare at all. Its a sudden decision to take this interview.
After a few round of Q&A, they ask am i ready for this interview, i said NO. If they giving me a chance, what should I prepare, I said i don't know. SO am i qualify to go exchange. I can't even convince them and prove them to PASS me. I can't event deliver my message clearly to them and how I am gonna deliver my message to other country. I am an AIESECer, but i know nothing. More worse is that i am an OGXer.
Unfortunately, they said YES. The answer of yes is not because of i dint prepare but i still able to answer their question, but is because of a correct mindset and personality. They expect more from me than a normal EP. Thus, my YES will be add on some improvement 
1) Communication skill
2) Independent.
3) Trust and believe in myself.
4) More knowledge about AIESEC and Excahnge. and ect...

Although I am not satisfy with my performance and answer but I'm happy with the result.
"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action." -Benjamin Disraeli

Aja Aja fighting... Move to next...

1st Valentine's Day.

After 21 years, this is the year that i got my partner. Its time for me to celebrate my very 1st valentine day..

Unfortunately, before valentine's day I was fall a sick seriously. No special food can be intake. So no celebration, only non-heaty food can be take. While when i going to back UUM, my stupid sickness still stick very close to me.. Don't even let me have a break.. ( have a kit-kat ) Thus, Valentine's day.. HAiZ.... no celebration... only phone calls for few hours.. While my roommate, were having sweet dinner with her bf... JEALOUSY of me..... SAD... After 8, I go gather with all AIESECer that single and available in UUM... We dance and have fun together in PKP. After when back my room, I am alone again..Phone call with my "someone" again till mid night.... HEHE..
Although we cant celebrate our 1st valentines, but I am happy to be with you..MUACKZ love you... NO celebration = SPECIAL celebration. I accept it... HEHE....