Feeling of loss

Wake up early in the morning feeling emptiness in my heart. I dunno why and how this may happen. To me, I thought that I am able to handle this since last night. Unfortunately this shows I am late in responding how I feel. I felt happy when i saw people celebrating with their happiness moment when they get the position. I don't really feel sad. But things get opposite when the day turn into night. Sadness definitely will happen, but when you when to bed. I really though it will be alright d. But when I wake up. I feel I loss something d. I lost something that important to me which make me so down now.

I really don't like to be alone now. If there is someone here to accompany with, I will feel better. A hugs or even just sitting beside me will do. Unfortunately, I am alone here.
But I am glad that I have blog for me to express, at lease blog is the one who accompanying me all the while whenever I have vary mood.

The announcement

The moment that will make people feel heart beeping fast, and also moment were ups and downs happen. 
To be honest, I know myself. And i do know how people perceive me. Can be say that,  I know the answer already, but i still wanna give myself a chances to try. Its true for you never try, you will never know. And the result for VOC shows that it is worth for me to try on. Of course, human are still human. Needs for affiliation are still there. You wanna achieve higher if you could. So do I.


Before the announcement, someone ask about the feeling. My answer would be "I enjoy it". Yes. I do enjoy it. I tell out what I know, what I have prepared and what I have. I know during interview. I might not performing well, and there are a lots of thing in my mind and i don't even have the time to say out. Not truly because i don't have time, but i tent to forgot the question asked. I can answer the 1st question but when I am answering the first question answers, i forget bout the second question d and it makes me cannot continue answering on the question. How ever, this show that I am a forgetful person. I am still not confident enough. 


Back to core topic which is the announcement, while waiting for the water to be pour. Of course, I know what my heart was thinking. However, I wish to have something different for that. Unfortunately, there are still no differences made. I was stun at first when they clarify on the results. But, I am still able to accept it. 


Although I was loss in this round, but I still win something back. I win the cares from others. I look strong to you guys, cause i am still smiling all the while. I never shows you guys sad face, and at that moment,  i feel so thus I do so. But things change when it came into night time. The more cares i receive, the more i feel upsets and wish to not let go. Cares are not motivating me at all during night time, it really make me feel regrets. And its shows that I am actually acting to be strong, I am just protecting myself from truly facing to the fact. 


By the way, I appreciate for those who is concerning me and console me. I will be better. I will be more strong after tomorrow. Is a good experiences for me and yet I appreciate what i have gain through the whole journey. I will cherish every moment i have now with you guys. 


Lastly, all the best for who had been elected in the team. Bring all of us to a better tomorrow. 


                                                                                                                                                 Monique

I won't give up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Application for VP

I have been straggle for quite sometimes to make the decision whether to apply or not to apply. It took me quite sometimes as well to figure out which department i should go. I was in blur. I can't foresee where my directions will be next. Even after the day of department workshop. 

I have attended more than 3 functional workshop, but where would I ended up to be in? I am not sure. The only thing that i felt was just afraid. When i get to know more, i get more confuse.

End up, when goes to writing of manifesto, I just fill in where I am suppose to be. Restrict to change are one of the point to be honest. However, I will apply for where I am currently in is just simply because i really enjoying being an agent to sending people out. When you saw people happily sharing with you how fun was the programs, how enjoy they are, you will get excited too. That is why I am still willing to stay in the same department.


Last night, I was busying filling the manifesto, and there are still a lot i haven finish answering. Is really tiring. 
By the way, thanks for friends who supporting me all the while, and friends who working hard together with me filling their own manifesto. I did not slept for the whole night. When i feel exhaust and laying down on my bed, eyes were close, but mind were never stop turning around with the question's answer. It was the first time without alarm i can just take a nap within 30 mins and woke up by myself. I dunno since when I become so determined until I finish up the whole manifesto with 20 pages of words.

Sometimes, when you want something, you should go for that something. If you don't go after what you want, you will never have it. If you don't ask, the answer will always be no. If you don't step forward, you will always in the same place. The only way to success, is not to worry about what anyone else is doing. Although we might be occupied, however it is worthwhile for you to do that. 

The feeling of crying but can't tears

This songs will be dedicated to those who are in suffer now.. 

Although it might not be in love, but maybe in Studies, Exam or Works.

... Enjoy... 

Test on myself..

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.


The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.


Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.


The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.


Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.


The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.


How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.


What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.


Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

August Baby

Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter.

98% true...